Crying???

So I was lying in bed the other night in my usual "sleepless" mode....and I was suddenly overcome with the urge to cry. It was a brief episode and it came from memories of my aunt, who passed away in November of last year.

It occurred to me, after I calmed down, that I haven't cried a lot in the last few years. I mean, I have little weeps now and then, but the big wailing cry that is cathartic just hasn't been there...and I don't know why. As we get older, does the ability to express grief become a more matter of fact thing? Keeping our emotions in check...is that something that we think is more appropriate? For my part, I would like nothing more than a good cry. So why haven't I expressed the grief that I have endured over the last few years....

Maybe, in some way, we feel our own mortality, and thus don't want to dwell on the inevitable for too long.
I really don't know.

One day, I'm sure, there will be a trigger and the floodgates will open. I only hope that whom ever is in the area (if there is anyone around) they have ear plugs, a good solid shoulder that doesn't cramp up and a clean shirt....'cause it may be loud and long and wet!!!
On the other hand....I may just grab a stack of towels and howl by myself.

Slainte!

Gym or not to gym.......

So...after a nasty bout with a cold/flu virus which laid me low for a couple of weeks.....I started back at the gym this week.

I was uncertain as to how I would approach this....I originally decided to go back primarily because I'd already paid for it and wanted to get my money's worth. However, while I was driving down to the gym, I felt surprisingly light-hearted and pleased to be going there again. Admittedly, I had to scale back my routine to it's original state to accommodate my rather less than spectacular energy level.....but nevertheless, it was enjoyable.

I have found recently that I seem to be a tad obsessive about how I go about my exercise routine. If things interfere with the order in which I workout....I get stressed out and spend my time on the recumbent bike worrying about whether "my space" will be taken up by some other lady doing her workout. Sigh......so this time, I went into the whole experience with a new attitude....take what comes and deal with it. No stress, relax, listen to my MP3 player (loud to block out the rock music from the gym speakers!!) and try to mentally organize my day....with lots of space for me!! Going to the gym is pretty much necessary for me, but.....it HAS to be a good experience...otherwise, it's usefulness is limited. I like the idea of going to get fit....but I'm thinking that doing the exercise goes a long way to combating depression and other angst.

I shall keep it up and gradually increase the level back to where I was when I got sick. I am limited to what I can do...so most of my exercises are strengthening....along with the recumbent bike.

Wish me luck!!

Slainte!

ICBC

The other driver now says that she was simply stopping at the accident site as a witness and that she had nothing to do with the fact that I wound up on the cement barrier. ICBC says that since I didn't touch her car, it is only my word against hers but they seem to be giving her words all the weight.

She gave me her license plate number, her Driver's license number, her name, her phone number. What witness would do all that? None that I know of. A name and phone number would be all a witness would ever think of giving out.

At the scene, this lady was really nice. We even gave each other a hug. She took responsibility. She apologized and told me that she hadn't seen me. I believed she was the person she was portraying herself to be. I should have helped her be true to herself by getting her to admit her guilt to someone else while she was still in truth mode and no one else had gotten to her. Now she'll have to live with having changed her tune.

I'm sure there is a lesson in here somewhere. Now, in our 60s, life is too short for games. I want to be real.