sigh.....contentment.....

Thursday, March 25, 2010

61 is just around the corner for me. My dreams for 60 fell a little flat and then I had a vision. I can't remember where or when it happened but it has had a profound impact on me. I saw myself from others eyes. Maybe I was viewing my own funeral, I'm not sure. Anyway the love and admiration was flowing and I was accepting it. That in itself is quite something. I had been bemoaning the fact that I hadn't accomplished anything of any great significance in my life and then all of a sudden I see all these people whom I have known through the years and they think I'm wonderful. Perhaps the most amazing thing about the vision is that I totally accepted the admiration and love of others. All my barriers were down. I actually allowed myself to feel it. When it was over, I had changed. I see now that my whole life has had great significance. God made me and He has been working in and through me all along. I can't go back under that shadow of self-doubt and recriminations.

Recently I was visiting with a terrific woman who is a budding artist. She had accomplished much already but I could see that she was under the shadow of self-doubt. I could hardly believe it as I considered her so talented and just a great person. I didn't say it but I thought to myself - she needs a vision.

2 comments:

Daphne said...

Okay, maybe that is a little over the top. "Great significance"? Let's just say I sensed that I had real value. That, compared to the way I have usually felt about myself, was just like night and day. Maybe it's like bi-polar people feel when they have their ups and downs. Only, I've always been down and now, this once I've seen the other side. Now I am making a conscious decision to remember my value.

Daphne said...

We saw "Remember Me" last night. A very moving film. The main character used this quote of Ghandi's several times; "Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it". I like that. I know that in the big picture of things, my efforts at anything are insignificant - the real news is that now I'm okay with that. I can leave my need for some huge accomplishment or significant event alone. My day to day activities are themselves the important things. I'm alive, I'm doing stuff and it's good. I'm even smiling.